This is a social, destructive behaviour rampant among spouses, families, organisations, and the society at large.
Granted, it is innate in us but it can be tamed, subdued and even mortified.
At first, the blame game may look harmless or even logical. However, if not nipped in the bud, it then degenerates and it becomes toxic, which will eventually lead to anarchy.
What then is the blame game ? A pictorial representation of it would be vivid enough to make you define it. A couple without children who live alone can organise the house without disruption. The husband would often displace items like a car key or towel and blame the wife for living in his head. As often as he scatters the house, the wife arranges with irritation and admonishes him to be more tidy. Each time the wife attempts to correct in love, he accuses her of nagging, of being too particular or even suggests she had OCD. He never admits the fact that he was untidy or disorderly. This is a picture of the blame game.
The blame game simply put, is not admitting mistakes made and passing it to another. The blame game is quite offensive. This non admittance of wrong and blaming others are traits of narcissism or paranoia. So, if you are often caught in the web, check yourself, you could be a narcissist or paranoid. Seek therapy!
When you are angry, when you are at fault and could have simply apologised, you are playing the blame game. You are exhibiting anger and shifting the fault you made to another. It is amusing how some people carry on with this. You have to wake up early to go to work and beat the traffic jam on a Monday morning. Yet, you were glued to the telephone on Sunday night. You woke up late and rushed out. You returned and poured your annoyance on your wife, stating that she failed to wake you up.
How dangerous can the blame game be?
Children who suffer from the consequences of the parents blame game syndrome have anxiety issues. Anxiety is a prime factor for slow learning. It inhibits the brain from functioning optimally. When next your child comes with a poor performance score card from school, ask yourself the role you played.
Transferring aggression on children because of scarce resources and blaming them for playfulness and lack of focus are little ways of impeding their academic success. Parents, please do better!
The blame game has wrecked genuine relationships and truncated it from standing the test of time. Imagine the good friends you have lost way back, just because you refused to own up. You feel saying an ordinary ‘ I am sorry’ would reduce you. I read a story of how a man lost his fiancee, who really loved him. She put up with his egoistic tendencies until she got fed up. She was highly cerebral and ambitious. She waited after a bitter friction for the man to apologise, so for them to mend the relationship and move on. Well, he called and informed her that it was all her fault, that she annoyed him and brought us his beastly nature. The lady said it was over, and that was it. She got a scholarship to read abroad and travelled. Of course, she became highly successful in no time and married a like mind. She came back home to visit her parents with her new family. The erstwhile lover heard about the visit and came to say hello. He was both dazed and humbled. Stop throwing diamonds away in a feat of temper. The blame game will lead to nothing but destruction.
Another prominent place the blame game is played is at the workplace. Some personnel at work shift delay in meeting targets, poor work ethics, gross inefficiency, and ineffective communication on others. They absolve themselves of blame while laying it at the feet of others. That organisation will suffer from occupational safety, and soon, a feeling of lethargy will permeate the environment. Cases of people resigning or requesting deployment are common cases. Public Service is sometimes a breeding ground for such. You would see them looking for scapegoats when there is a breach.
Desist from the blame game and treat each case on its merit. Make the workplace healthy, it is a second home. Jettison the blame game and raise communities at work, where everyone is important and valued. Grow a good work culture.
A circumspect look at the events happening around the globe points out the fact that the blame game has wrecked families, organisations, and nations. The increase in divorces, war, and anarchy is the same as the blame game. People shifting responsibility for an action or inaction to another. Let’s look inwards and be intentional. Make that apology, repair the dent in that relationship, close up the gap in the communication breakdown.
Admittance is the first step of owning up to a wrong. Stop the blame game, spread love, and remember, the blame game divides us. Let’s shun it and stay united.
Ebunoluwa Ibibo
@Golden muse ✨️
