Admittedly, parenting may not be a rocket science, but I make bold to state that it is definitely close to it. The reason is not far-fetched. Every other skill has a procedure, a guide, or a manual. For instance, learning vocations like hat making, carpentry, content creation, or digital marketing have the modus operandi. Once you learn such, you are then good to go, as it is often said.
On the other hand, parenting comes with no manual. Every child has peculiarities, and this obvious fact makes parenting, sometimes exasperating. Thus, it is often common to see some parents adopt the helicopter parenting approach. This decision is mostly borne out of cluelessness or helplessness or even both.
However, this is not a legimate ground for us as parents to cause irreversible havoc to our children. We learn and strive to do things properly.
The helicopter hovers above the ground level, accommodates people, flies, and gains speed and momentum. In like manner, helicopter parents hover around the child, dote, and literally take over the affairs of the child. This may seem a good idea on the superficial level, right? Ponder on this. Every child is born with intellectual property. A newborn has all the organs and functionalities, just like an adult. The only difference is growth and development. Babies learn to hear and recognise sounds, perceive smells, and the environment. Babies learn visuals, movements, and images as they grow. Children are naturally intelligent, and all they need is guidance. The child can independently learn through perceptions, experience, and practice.
D. H Lawrence, in 1918, in his article “How to Begin to Educate A Child,” wrote on three cardinal principles to educate a child. The first being, leave the child alone, the second, ditto, and the last the same. I largely agree with this model of parenting with a mix of other models. Yes, children learn when left alone, with minimal supervision. Allow children to make their mistakes, own their mistakes, and correct their mistakes. Do you remember the Lego game way back? Children those days used it to build castles, demolish the castles, build cars, and dismantle it to make bicycles.
The lego game is highly instrumental and instructive. You sit back, think and visualise how to order your edifice. Mostly, you sit alone and enjoy the solitude. The outcome then gives credence to the power of imagination. A product of a useful and quality time spent alone.
Every child has optimal capacity and parents should learn to respect that and allow for boundaries. Don’t break the ranks. The brain of a child is elastic and can be stretched to think deeply and richly.
However, when helicopter parents deliberately interfere, with the child thought process, thereby impending on the rapidity and elasticity of the brain. The child becomes limited and underdeveloped in thoughts and outlook.
Helicopter parents are overbearing, overprotective, and overly pushful. They think for the child, take over the life of the child, and get too involved in the affairs of the child. They shrink the initiative and knowledge the child ought to have.
Incidentally, they kill the child’s confidence and water down the self-esteem. The child can hardly make a decision and grows to adulthood tailing in the shadow of the parent. Helicopter parents dictate the friends of the child, the teachers who should teach the child, and the profession the child should choose.
Little wonder we see them bribe examiners to leak examination papers for their children and go all the way to higher institutions to grease lecturers’ palms.
It is pathetic to hear of examination malpractices and see parents who are also culprits. Parents who grew without involvement of their own parents. They struggled on their own and carved a niche for themselves. They rose from grass to grace. They worked with their fingers tirelessly and burned the midnight oil. They forget the toil and having their own children now, they think they can boycott the process and get the same result. Roses grow from thorns, and honey comes from the stinging bees.
Helicopter parents think they mean well for their children. They think there is no harm in being too involved. Look around and see men who are children in conduct. Spineless men and women who inherited wealth and squandered it. People who have anxiety issues and suffer emotional meltdowns.
America, as a case in point, has a new set of new millionaires. Those who made fresh investments and are highly successful. The ones who walk through the dirty streets and mud to get shaped.
Parents, this is a wake-up call. Are you parenting well? This is not to suggest that we fold our hands and watch idly. It is a nudge for us to appraise our approach to parenting. How effective and ideal is it? Good success should be durable and capable of producing a successor.
The modern world inarguably has made parenting tougher. There are so many interference in child training. Social media is the principal of all. Nonetheless, let us strive to do our best. As posterity is a fair judge.
The eagle in teaching the eaglet how to fly would engage in flight lessons, backing the eaglet. After repeated flights, the eagle would take the eaglet on a flight and leave it in mid-air. The eaglet then struggles to soar. Eventually, the eaglet soars!
May our children soar! Let us jettison helicopter parenting. It remains detrimental to our children’s bright future.
Ebunoluwa Ibibo
@ Golden muse
